The Third One

Poutine is one of the most interesting foods in the world today. Its like a cheeseburger and fries without the meat, or bun. Or condiments.
Poutine was invented in France in 230 AD after the fall of the Ming dynasty. French people were getting pissed off about having to eat these fruity little chinese hors d'oeuvres, which back then was spelled, and pronounced Whore Dirts, because they were much less classy back then
These chinese Whore Dirts were little balls of random meat that was grated up and mixed with whatever kind of edible looking things the Chinese food makers could find; berries, play dough, Gak, and the cheese powder from Kraft dinner, (which was primarily mixed with spaghetti due to the lack of tomatoes in both France and China). These balls of meat and other weird things were wrapped in paper and fried and eaten with the hands.
The french were angered by how clean and easy the food was to eat, and the minimal amount of mess it left behind. The french were a messy and foul people and wanted their hands, face and Mavi jeans to be covered in cheese curd and gravy by the end of the meal. Try as they may to eat the food in a messy way, those god damn Chinese whore dirts were just far too clean.
The saviour of French cuisine was born in 206 AD, and his name was Henri Henri Henri Chauvignon-Jackson. He looked at the current state of french food, and noticed one problem. It wasn't French, it was Chinese. So he found a way to incorporate foods that the Chinese hated. Gravy, french fries and cheese.
It started with a plate, which he stared at for 3 days trying to come up with ideas, but the plate wasn't talking. He sat in his basement and planned, but nothing came to him. Fed up with his lack of ideas, townsfolk threw potatoes through the razor sharp bars that guarded his window, slicing the potatoes into deliciously small and thin pieces of goodness. Henri was drinking his cup of gravy, a traditional french beverage consumed before bed, when he fell asleep at the table, but the sound of falling french fries alerted him and he awoke with a shock, spilling the gravy on the fries. Saddened by his waste of a delicious semi liquid, he began to weep over the plate of spoiled food. He started to cry, cry tears, tears of cheese. Yes, Henri3 was the first Xmen and his mutant power was he cried cheese.
He then decided to eat it, why the hell not, right? He quickly realized how ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE IT WAS! He ran outdoors and told the towns people, and they rejoiced, and poutine was named the national dish. However, due to the cheese shortage after the Hindus raided the countryside and stole all the cows, Henri had to find an alternate way to produce it. So the townspeople took turns satisfying his wife in his sight, causing him to weep cheese into buckets that were poured into cauldrons of gravy.
In his honor, Poutine is now France's main food group, that and butter. France only gets 2.