The Second One

I came back pretty fast. Mostly because you can't do much else but write a plain introduction with your first post, and that wasn't enough to satisfy the itch. After failing to cure it with Goldbond, I am back in the saddle again.

I have a pretty sweet idea.

I have been told that there are some people out there, who rather than work several jobs to earn the money to buy all the neato stuff that they wish to buy, take a whole different approach to the whole "getting paid" thing.
There are, again, I am just going by what I am told, apparently people out there who simply steal money from other people in order to buy neato stuff. It is a pretty interesting concept. It's sort of like multi-level marketing. I was gonna say Pyramid Scheme, but I think this holds a totally different shape.

Rather than work at Walgreens for minimum wage stuffing groceries in a bag, then going to Wal-Mart and stuffing groceries in a bag before coming home and crying yourself a bathtub of tears to bathe in 'cuz your water bill hasn't been paid in four months, you apparently can get OTHER people to do the work for you and then take the money from them. It's like a staffing agency with less paperwork. No forms to fill out, no signatures. No recruiting, In fact, you can just choose whoever you want to work for you. Let them work, then when it's dark out and they are walking home, you push them over and take their wallet.

This would never work for me, because my cardio is atrocious, and I am sure if I stole someone's wallet and ran away, they would not be inclined to call an ambulance for a hyperventilating, would-be thief who just stole their wallet and forced them to walk three quarters of a block to take it out of the hand that isn't clutching my chest.


My idea works as such. For those out there who are much more fleet-footed yet lazy at the same time, I propose we change the social contract on muggings. As it stands, if you steal someone's wallet, you take all the money they have inside, and likely rack up their credit cards on Hannah Montana albums and other junk you are too embarrassed to purchase with your own credit cards.

If someone were to steal my wallet, they had better not set their sights on anything more than $12.95 if they want to save themselves the embarrassment and social stigmatization of saying "Oops, wrong card" 7 times before walking out sheepishly empty handed.

With my new proposal, if a mugger were to steal your wallet, he should have to be weary of the risk of stealing a broke man's wallet. If someone were to steal your wallet, and you are broke, then they should have to pay your credit cards for you. It's only fair. You steal my wallet, and I'm rich, I won't even chase you. No way am I gonna bother getting wind burn on my Banana Republic khakis over mere pennies when I have another twelve grand in the change cup of my Benz.
However, you steal my wallet, and I'm poor, after you get over the initial joy of spending all 65,000 Club Z points I had been saving, you will be expected to pay all my credit card debt. You took them, theyre yours now son.

I think it would lead to a fashion revolution. After this takes hold, rich people will no longer be walking around with their BENCH collars sticking up fourteen inches above their newly manicured hair dos, (seriously what is up with the damn collars on those things, you would swear that Bench is made strictly for the Padaung women with the neck rings.)

Rich people would be dressing like hobos hoping no one would take their wallet and poor people would be walking around in designer jeans with diamond encrusted wallets hanging out the back pocket, just parading around in the alleyways at 4 o'clock in the morning.

I think I might be on to something.