The Fourth One...

So I feel pretty good tonight.

I didn't win the lottery again! It's awesome, I totally dodged a bullet. The numbers came in, 12...15..19..20...28...29...39... and the number 14 was bestowed the honor of being the bonus number... meaning it is absolutely useless to you unless you already had 6 out of 7 numbers, at which point it just distinguishes you from the people who actually won the lottery, and those who won the consolation prize.

I'm glad I didn't win the lottery, and it was close too. If the number 12 was actually a 13, and you dropped the 0 from 20, and 28 and 29 were each 5 numbers less than what they really were, AND 39 was just 9, and the bonus number wasn't useless to me, I would have totally been stuck winning. I'm so lucky.

I mean, what would I do if I did win? Why in god's name would I want to lay in a nice warm bed tomorrow until I wake up and take a limo to OLG headquarters and get my novelty check, when I can drag my bones out of bed at 8 am, and freeze my feet off when they hit the floor because I am too cheap to turn the heat on until Christmas, and shuffle off to the Brantford Transit (read: loser mover) to haul me to the job I work so I can earn minimum wage to make the minimum payment on my seven credit cards. I would have to let Geeves make me dinner, and he won't let me dip my Eggos in my Spaghettios anyways, so whats the point? I would have to have rich cherry wood furniture, and I just finally finished Feng Shui-ing my upside-down milk crate dining room set to allow for maximum chi, and those crates took me forever to collect, because the man in the dairy department frowns upon you dumping the milk bags out of them and sprinting out the fire exit with it tucked under your arm. Everyone always gives me the rudest looks when I do that. I don't scowl at them when they're in the Ikea parking lot loading their Herken Yogenfruz Loveseat into their economy sized sedan.

Honestly, who would want that? I'd get lonely living on my own private island, and I don't think I could get Jersey Shore updates in the Bahamas.

Millionaires eat caviar, drink Courvoisier, and play cricket. First, I hate foods AND drink that start with 'C'*,
Why eat caviar when you can just eat fish sticks? You could buy smoked salmon and hit it with a hole punch and no one would tell the difference.
Why eat filet minion when you can have Salisbury Steak Hungry Man Dinners?
Why play cricket when you can play Roach Fumigation Doom Squad.

The rich lifestyle is totally not for me, which is why I am so glad that I didn't get stuck winning the lottery tonight. I really feel bad for whomever got suckered into that one.


Phew!!





*- Excluding chicken fingers, cheese, chips, chinese food, chocolate milk, chocolate, candy, Cap'n Crunch, clam chowder, cheeseburgers, corn bread, corn on the cob, corned beef, croissants, crepes, cider, cashew chicken, cupcakes, crackers, cake, cookies, corona, Canadian bacon, curry and carrot cake.