The Ninth One

Merry Christmas- You're Homeless!

Have you ever worked somewhere, and you thought you were doing a good job, because it was obvious you were doing a good job, and you started to get comfortable, then all of a sudden, they slap you in the nuts with their nuts?

There's nothing better than working your ass off for a company, not because you like it, or your co-workers, but moreso because you like food, and not getting rained on when you are lying in bed, and working that job gives you the money to make that happen, then all of a sudden getting the shaft.


Below is an actual conversation I have had with a boss.

"Hey, why do I only have one shift this week?"
"Oh, we only need you for one shift."
"But there's 38 hours worth of work to do tonight, and I am here for 4 hours."
"Oh, yeah, we don't care what the place looks like, or if the people who spend their money here can find anything, we just like being as inept as possible, every chance we get."

Ok, im paraphrasing, i may have said 5 hours.

That's not even the worst part. The worst is when they try to justify to you, as if they were looking out for you by screwing you sideways to the Grease soundtrack.They make it sound like they are doing you a favour.

"Think about all the free time you will have with 2 extra days off".
Yes, I have needed to free up a few afternoons for boiling socks for soup and crying into a bucket to do laundry in.

"Youre too good for this place anyways."
Ok, then pay me more to over-achieve here then. And thank you for acknowledging my aptitude, and rewarding me with the opposite of a reward. A de-ward, if you will.

I remember being desperate, looking for any job I could find, and applied for the most menial jobs anywhere so i could earn some cash. And I get this email. This is a real email rejection I received from a place I applied to.


Dear (-------)

Thank you very much for you interest in working at (------ --------).
Your resume is certainly impressive, and you would no doubt be an asset to our company.
Unfortunately, we are looking to fill the general customer service clerk, a position you are obviously over qualified for. We welcome you to reapply for higher positions in the future, where we would be able to utilize your skills more fully.

Thank you,

(Some Idiot)
(One of the several hardware stores here in this town)

I almost killed my monitor when I read this.

"Able to utilize your skills more fully"? First, that doesn't even make sense as a sentence. Second, I wonder what kind of position I could get a Canadian Lowe's Depot Hardware if I stay at home and practice making dinner out of Sardines and the Pennysaver.

"A position you are obviously over qualified for."
Then why not let me toil away in awesomeness until a position opened up?

"We welcome you to reapply for higher positions in the future"
Right, I will just sit here eating Chef Boyardee out of a can waiting for one of your illustrious "higher positions" to open up. Maybe i'll get lucky and I can be the guy that changes the signs out front. Or the guy that makes sure all the faucets in the sink sections are facing the same way. I would totally kick ass at alphabetizing the nail guns or arranging all the paint swatches into wicked awesome mosaic paintings of geese playing tetherball.

That's all for now, I have a KD and auto trader casserole to put in the oven